What do you think of my Poem??

Ok… I posted this earlier, but some people were confused on what it meant. So, I worked on it. And I know its sorta long, but PLEASE read it and let me know what you think. Thank you! ( I don’t normally do free verse or whatever… so this was hard for me..)


Here it is (not title yet):





That deep, lonely, and scary place,


my only last resort.


With tear-stained cheeks, I contemplate.


How can this be so real?


Become my true reality?


Didn’t know this was near,


I was taken by surprise,


and now I’m paying.





Everything appears so dismal.


Dark, long, matted-up hair,


hangs shaggy over my green eyes.


Smokey, purple bruises,


spread quickly across my body,


like some deadly disease.


Always retching so endlessly,


the stench of spewing liquid,


like stomach virus all the time.


The scent just makes me cringe.


Blisters bubble across my hands,


a burning sensation.


Appear from tugging at the ropes,


that drape along my neck and hands.


Blisters begin to bleed badly,


no longer can I tug,


or pull at the thick, light-brown ropes.


Hands now so delicate,


afraid they might break if I keep tugging.


And all in the meantime,


you sit in your stupid corner,


and snicker at me loud,


showing your bountiful gold teeth.


Treat me like I’m just dirt,


as I sob and shout for my life.





Stare up at the dark sky,


wondering why this is my life.


How I got stuck,


in this deep, dark, mud-like substance,


I’m living my last resort,


and I can’t seem to just break free.


Dying in this dark hole,


I only wish for freedom.

What do you think of my Poem??
this was very raw and i loved it the way you desrcibed everything so thourougly but short and simple this poem is great
Reply:Very dark thoughts there. You a descendant of Edgar Allen Poe?
Reply:I also thinks its dark. Is this how you feel?? why are you so sad ? well I hope things get better for you. The poem is very descriptive and flows nicely.
Reply:wow i liked it i really did but i think if you end it with a piece of hope it will make it more wonderfull but it is nice i liked it i really did keep on............
Reply:Miserable whining drivel. Write something amusing or wierd not just moaning winging depressive mush.
Reply:this is a really great poem. to me it reminds me of a slave, but with a mix of now. you doing all the labor while someone sits by and watches(then). the gold teeth remind me of now like it might be a grill.
Reply:Honestly, it's interesting but I still don't like it... It's not you or your poem I realize, now. It's just my taste in things.





This particular poem seems to go from something...of the mystic 'mambo-jumbo' sort, to someone being imprisoned like a slave from old times. Perhaps that's what throws me off 'n turns me off...?





Perhaps if you note where it changes, you can choose 1 path. Perhaps you could make 2 poems from the words in this 1 poem...?



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